All Time Loser 1/2/2011

This bird is just like me, said: "It's pretty, but... I don't feel this is my home."

Yes, I told myself I will take a rest for not posting anythg in my blog,

but something changed my mind.

Today I gonna to write in English.

Bcoz I have no time to type chinese to express my feeling.

Seriously, today is fantabulously bek cek day to me.

Well,

I was having an awesome date with my friends, Edward and Sukee.

Was watching an action + comedy popular film < Green Hornet 3D>,

yea 3D... it is in 3D...

and yea Jay Chou, he is Jay Chou...

but the environment is freaking cold,

I can't concentrate although the film is considered as nice.

Have a good chance to watch Jay Chou speaks English, nice try.

And the Hero... he doesn't like a hero, seem like more like an idiot.

Of coz this is not bek cek enuf to me.

........................................................................................................................

Well I gonna say something very bad,

Today, I dunno why,

it seems like I was so wrong,

what wrong with me?

I dunno, just feel not comfortable as usual,

Ok I checked, I got fever.

Fever at the wrong time.

CNY coming soon, I dun hope I would sick like a patient:

24 hours lay on my bed and say GONG XI FA CAI. ==

I gonna take a good care for myself,

eat medicine and try to recover as soon as possible,

and I hope I can cure my hearing problem ASAP.

..................................................................................................................

Ok. Time to bek cek again,

I went to next door to take my dinner.

Just only took my dinner,

and before I go back to my room,

my dad asked me: "why you kept on staying in your room? (in chinese)"

I dun want to tell him why.

And He continued and shout at me: "Huh! You very busy MEH!(in chinese)"

I have no idea, so I never answer him.

Then he start to mad and scold me like hell.

What can I do?

I looked at my mom's face, she felt so helpless,

I looked at my sis's face, she doesn't want to care bout it,

And I looked at my elder cousin's face, he just like watching a show.

So what can I do?

Of coz I try to go back to my room as steady as I can.

But my dad scold me again and asked: "You better becareful! (in chinese)"

"Why not you come out!( living room ) (in chinese)?"

I was holding my dinner and reply,

"Becoz I have ntg to do in living room (in chinese)"

Then he is mad and scold scold scold scold again,

well I walk back to my room with a bek cek mood.

Seriously, there was a fire on my head.

And Now, I am trying to shout out what made me feel so sick.

........................................................................................................................

ok, Dad, you are a man, of coz you nid face,

I am trying to respect you all the time.

Yes, I know we had a very close relationship ever before I studied in standard 5.

However, After that, our relationship is getting far, far, so far, and apart.

Why? becoz your lie.

Becoz I trust u so much, put all my hope to you and you the one disappointed me,

you cheated me when i was in standard 4,

you cheated me and said that the heart operation is not proceed with knife, but high-tech machine like a laser gun.

So, this is what I trusted you last time.

Well, after I done my operation, I was crying to see a scar on my body,

And I told the nurse: "why my parent told me Operation (动手术） is not Surgery (开刀)"




I dunno, I feel so hopeless to them since that time.

My heart is totally broken although the operation save me for a period.

therefore, I was named myself as Trust No One,

I dun feel like want to trust anyone again because of lie.

.................................................................................................................................

My parent hurt me so deep,

they told I was a kid, wouldn't mind what they did to me.

Their thought was so wrong, I knew everything, and I care what both of you did to me.

However, I had no luck again when I studied at form 3,

I get another serious illness.

This illness need to be cure by operation again,

And my dad was forcing me to do this operation,

and of coz I rejected,

this is the most dangerous operation ever,

it might make me a man who not able to move.

I don't take risk,

if I feel I am okay with my condition then there is no need to do any operation.

My decision always NO.

So, my dad was thought I against him all the time.

Therefore, when we meet each other, he will keep on argue with me bcoz of this case.

Argue Argue and Argue.

Non Stop.

I hate quarrel!

why should not you respect my decision?

I have my own plan.

but you like to quarrel with me,

everytime we talk, war non stop.

Yes, You always the winner of the war.

I am all time loser..

You said you wan to save me from suffer,

but what you did was making me suffer more and straight to the pain.

You dunno that time you beat me with a golf stick,
My heart was feel so hurt, and pain of my hand.

You dunno how many time you slap me,
Countless time, Countless pain.

You dunno how many time I hold my tear when you are scolding me, infront of me.
Eventhough I talk nothing, just NOTHING.

You dun even know you injured my right ear,
you slapped my face damm powerful and cause my right ear lose some ability of hearing.
I told mom but I dun even wan to tell you.
Becoz You will slap me more if I tell you that you made my right ear closely to deaf.

You dunno how many time you scold me without reason,
mayb I am an useless person in your mind.

You dunno how many time I talk nicely to you and express my feeling,
you will end up with argue and against my opinion.

And today,

you argue with me, just becoz of a dinner.

A Dinner made a Dad scold a Son.

I didn't spoilt your dinner,

why you must be so angry?

You finished your dinner already wad.

sometime I really guess,

"A dish should be important than me."

................................................................................................................

I'm not saying my dad is bad,

but he is so tough with his own opinion and mind,

so this is the reason why I always stay in my room,

because I don't wan to talk with him and end up with quarrel,

I'm not going to see his anger face,

And I'm not going to fight with him becoz

I am all time Loser.

a LOSER that never win.

.................................................................................................................................

so, I avoid it happen.

But so sorry my dad,

I know you are so stressful with your work and sometime you nid to release your stress,

but dun release on me,

your son not a machine,

your son is not in good mood today,

your son still in trouble,

you dunno your son is facing so many problems recently,

I also will be stress and I'm still in trouble right now.

I just broke up not longer and my hearing problem still haven cure yet,

Now I still in fever, and one of my friend was demanding for the video that I promise to make for him.

I really BEK CEK! I really worry how long I still can survive..

so forgive me.

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Well, To Xaye:

I know I promise you to make a video for ur presentation,

I know you nid the video by this week before you go back to Perak.

Your fren is having trouble and no mood to touch any work right now,

so just give me some time,

What I had promise is a promise.

Once I promise, it will work until it's end.

yea, I know you trust me and put all the hope on me,

as a frenz, I will help you, so dun worry.

It's hard for me to promise something except I can make it.

....................................................................................................................................................

Recently, I feel myself is All Time Loser,

Besides that, I feel so many people hate me,

My dad hate me, my friend hate me, or maybe even you (anyone that reading my post now)

I wun purposely make someone to hate me, not necessary, no benefit.

so I hope I could have a greatest future ever,

I don't want to be a loser...

All I need is 'Support' and 'Luck'.

God bless me.